Immigration reform: A modest proposal

Recently, I’ve written a couple of pieces that touch upon the topic of illegal immigration. One commenter, “areaman,” has repeatedly taken issue with the concerns addressed here, sympathizing with the illegals and denouncing their detractors.

Areaman could’ve taken the opportunity to suggest just how he wants to change the system, but he was too busy feeling bad for the migrants and blaming the people who hire them. Since he didn’t actually put forth a plan for reforming immigration policy, I figured I would so we’d have a starting point.

Now, I’ve collected these ideas from a variety of sources, including my own imagination, but I don’t think anyone has put them all together before:

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1) Change the immigration quotas.
There’s obviously a demand for increased immigration, so let’s do something about that.
Let’s just double all immigration quotas, across the board — students, tourists, residents, and general workers. And just for areaman, we’ll quadruple the quotas for migrant workers. We’ll also invest in streamlining the screening process, making it quicker to weed out the undesirables and easier for acceptable immigrants to get in.

But this comes at a price, and it’s an expensive one.

1) Illegal aliens are deported to their country of origin within 72 hours of apprehension.

2) Political asylum seekers must actively seek out and apply for asylum. They must apply within five days of entering the country, and at a point no more than ten miles from a point of entry. Further, they must seek out asylum, not ask for it after being apprehended. Any claims filed outside the above circumstances will be summarily denied, and the claimants deported.

3) With the greatly-eased immigration policy, the remainder of the border will be fortified, patrolled vigorously, and mined. Anyone attempting to enter the country otherwise will be presumed to be a terrorist, smuggler, or other undesirable and shot on sight. Survivors may be shot again.

4) Any and all costs incurred by illegal aliens shall be the responsibility of their native country. That amount shall be withdrawn from the foreign aid said country receives from the United States.

5) Employers who hire illegal aliens or allow illegal aliens to work on their premises (even as subcontractors) shall be fined no less than $25,000 per worker per day.

6) All institutions that receive public funding (especially schools and hospitals) shall be required to report any illegal aliens to immigration authorities.

7) Any legislator who proposes offering discounted tuition to illegal aliens at state-run institutions of higher learning shall be flogged.

8) The first time an illegal alien is caught and deported, they shall be banned from legally entering the United States for three years. Second-time offenders will serve a year in prison, then be deported and banned for three years. Repeat offenses will result in one year being added to each number.

9) Immigrants shall be forbidden to receive more than $2,000 in public assistance within the first three years of their residence in the United States.

OK, there’s my proposal. It’s based on balancing our duty to humanity, our duty to establish and define and defend our own borders, and our obligation to defend our own best interests..

Your take?

J.

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34 Comments

  1. Final Historian April 18, 2005
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