I’ve never been a fan of the latest trend in businesses naming themselves or their products after made-up words. Yes, I undertand it’s easier to get a trademark on Agilent or Cingular or Lucent versus, say, International Harvester or General Motors or American Telephone & Telegraph, but it’s still annoying.
I’ve always suspected that it was done by the twits I knew in college, the marketing majors who aced all their marketing courses but barely passed entry-level English and other things.
But I’ve always wondered what happened to the other Marketing students, the ones who didn’t score the top grades in Marketing but did well in their other courses. And I think I’ve found out. They get stuck naming the less-prestigious products.
Recently, I was waiting in line at a convenience store to buy a soda. I was bored, so I looked around. On the wall behind the cashier were a bunch of items, including three-packs of condoms.
All five of them had rather distinctive brand names. First up were the “girly” brands — “Romance” and “Sweetheart.”
Next, the one for those not quite clear on the concept of how it’s used — “Shaft.”
Finally, the specialty brands, the ones designed for specific uses, as opposed to the general-purpose condoms — “Toosh” and “Blow.”
Man, those C-student marketers might not make the big bucks, but they certainly have fun with their jobs.
The notion of naming a brand of condom really gets the creative juices flowing, so to speak. How about “Flagstaff” or “Telephone Pole”?
I missed my true calling. Just imagine how high the sales would be for my Epiglottal Billiards model.
Kinda off-topic.
I once picked up some toy goop/putty for my 4 YO. The substance would make flatulent noises when you rolled it between your hands. The name of the product; FLARP!
I can just see the suits in a board room playing with the stuff while brainstorming brand names…
Dave Barry once had a reader write him about an Egyptian brand of deodorizer. It was called “Drastic Toilet Air.”
I note that there is now a brand of Vodka called “Romance.” Perhaps we can get some shrinkwrapped cross marketing going.
stay free, sure and natural, new freedom, and my favorite.. MAXI ..all titles that could be applied to condoms if you consider what the final result of preventing a pregnancy would be to some
Hmmm. Somebody needs to declare a contest: Rejected Brand Names for Condoms
-Krakatoa
-Hindenburg
-Popeye
And the #1 rejected name for condoms:
XXSmall….