The Cynthia McKinney Guide to "Racially Motivated" Arrests

As you are undoubtedly aware, Representative Cynthia A. McKinney (D-Black Pantheria) has landed herself in a spot of trouble. Ms. McKinney, an African American who’s no stranger to controversy, allegedly assaulted a Capitol police officer who had the nerve to compel her to walk through a metal detector.

After an earlier display of semi-contrition, Ms. McKinney changed her stance and is now as mad as heck about the whole incident. What brought about such an about-face? Well, it appears as if Ms. McKinney may be charged for punching the officer in question. Thus pseudo-remorse has turned to righteous indignation.

But what kind of righteous indignation appealed to Ms. McKinney? You may be surprised to discover, dear reader, that Ms. McKinney decided to play the race card. Gee: We didn’t see that one coming.

Carl Hulse’s report in The New York Times perfectly encapsulates the congresswoman’s Johnny Cochran-esque strategy:

One of her [McKinney’s] lawyers, James Myart, said the case typified a pattern of police harassment of black Americans. “My belief is this is no different than that: ‘they all look alike.'”

Wow. How mind-numbingly offensive is this? A Capitol police officer scrutinizes Ms. McKinney because she failed to wear a lapel pin that would have identified her as a Member of Congress. For his troubles, he gets punched by Ms. McKinney and accused of racism.

Interestingly, the Times report clearly attempts to portray the odious McKinney in the best possible light: It mentions that Republicans are purportedly interested in this brouhaha because it will “shift attention from a guilty plea to corruption charges Friday by a former senior Republican House aide.” Well, gee: Thanks for that impartial observation.

Further, the Gray Lady refers to McKinney as “a lawmaker known for provocative statements.” Hmm: We suppose that “provocative statements” is an acceptable synonym for “anti-Semitism.” We wonder if they’d let David Duke off the hook so easily.

Given the brazenness of Congresswoman McKinney’s trumped up cries of racism, one might reasonably wonder how she would respond to allegations for other crimes. Well, dear reader, wonder no longer. The Official Race-Bating Department here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” has come up with a list of potential McKinney responses to future criminal allegations.

So, before you take in another indignant McKinney press conference–obligatorily staged at a traditionally black college and graced with the obligatory presence of Danny Glover–you can save yourself some time by consulting the following list:

The Unofficial Cynthia McKinney Guide to “Racially Motivated” Arrests

1) Jaywalking: A citation for jaywalking would be easy to handle; clearly, it’s just a disgraceful attempt to confine a Black woman. Whitey can’t handle a Woman of Color running free in the world.

2) Sexual Assault: This charge insidiously harkens back to age-old racist stereotypes about Back sexuality. A Black woman should be passive, think malignant racists.

3) Embezzlement: Racists think that all people should live up to “white standards” of proper fiscal conduct. The disgusting oppressors!

4) Slander: Oh, so the minute a Black woman dares to speak her mind, the white world must slap her with a fine, eh? Obviously, this is another plot to keep a Black lady down.

5) Blackmail: Uh, do we even need to explain?

(The crack young staff regularly “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently enjoying a Harry Belafonte and Hugo Chavez duets album.)

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