The Spin–and the Buck–Stops Here

Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly is certainly a controversial fellow. Whereas some love his brand of shoot-from-the-hip pontificating, others find him an obnoxious blowhard. As a result, though his “O’Reilly Factor” program has legions of fans, he has surely earned legions of detractors.

And let’s be honest: Mr. O’Reilly has compelled some folks to do some pretty strange things. Keith Olberman, a pundit on a network with lower ratings than static, spends hours of his program caterwauling about the perceived evils of O’Reilly. Apparently Mr. Olberman hasn’t realized that he’s the only person more irksome than his target.

Further, the erstwhile funnyman Stephen Colbert now churns out a stale semi-imitation of Bill O’Reilly on the Comedy Central show “The Colbert Report,” and his career has thus degenerated into a lame one-note joke. It’s strange, but true: The addition of “The Colbert Report” after “The Daily Show” on Comedy Central has turned a mildly humorous half-hour infomercial for the Democratic Party into a mildly humorous full hour infomercial for the Democratic Party. A reason to be proud, to be sure.

Naturally, this leads us to the conclusion that people can’t agree about Bill O’Reilly. And, quite frankly, they likely never will.

Accordingly, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” hope to avoid offering another partisan shot in the War Over O’Reilly. To be downright honest, we don’t feel particularly strongly about the guy either way.

Instead, we want to focus on something about which both sides can hopefully agree. Perhaps this will help usher in a true spirit of bipartisanship and comradeship in America. The lamb will finally lay down with the wolf. And you’ll finally lay down with that cute chick in the next cubicle. Or, maybe, none of this will happen.

Anyway, we think there’s one matter regarding “The O’Reilly Factor” about which all sane people–O’Reilly boosters and detractors alike–must agree. And this, dear reader, is the matter of so-called Factor Gear.

At the conclusion of every one of his programs, Mr. O’Reilly offers an advertisement for his “website,” which allows browsers to buy Factor Gear–a variety of accoutrements advertising for “The O’Reilly Factor” itself. We believe that anyone who purchases this detritus is itching for a beating.

We mean, come on: How much of a dipstick would you look like in an “O’Reilly Factor” windbreaker? Do we even have to answer that question? Dear Lord, we hope not.

Just in case you want to offer the impression that you’re even more of a dolt than an “O’Reilly Factor” windbreaker will allow, you can always put up the cash for a “The Spin Stops Here” baseball cap. Ah, yes: That certainly won’t make you look like a complete prole. Does the hat come with a “dogs playing poker” painting? Or maybe a velvet Elvis portrait? Either way, it’s really classy.

(Note: The crack young staff usually “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently sporting their “No Spin Zone” thongs.)

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8 Comments

  1. astigafa April 23, 2006
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  8. McGehee April 24, 2006