Patches Kennedy: a chip off the old blockhead

When Ted Kennedy first ran for the United States Senate in 1962, he ran against Massachusetts’ Attorney General, Edward McCormack, for the right to succeed his brother Jack. In one debate, McCormack told Teddy that “if your name was Edward Moore, nor candidacy would be a joke.” Kennedy survived that assault, and has been plaguing us all ever since.

Now his son, Patrick, (nicknamed “Patches” by some of his critics, in honor of the horribly melodramatic song), is once again making front-page news. His latest demonstration of the Kennedy School Of Driving style is plastered all across the front pages, leading to the completely predictable speculations about boozing, drug abuse, and all the other peccadilloes that “America’s Royal Family” are infamous for.

The Boston Herald, no friend to the Kennedys, has assembled a history of some of Patches’ more memorable public adventures. One incident they neglected to mention was his denouncement of President Bush’s tax cut in the summer of 2003, when he told a room full of supporters that “I don’t need Bush’s tax cut. I have never worked a [bleeping] day in my life.”

Another one that really, really needs more play was his little encounter at LAX on March 26, 2000. An airport screener (an elderly black woman) tried to stop him from boarding a plane because his carry-on was too large. The Congressman, in a manner that would do Cynthia McKinney proud, shoved past her and boarded the plane anyway. Fortunately for him, this was before 9/11, so he didn’t get prosecuted as thoroughly as he should have.

Representative Kennedy, let me just say that if your name were merely Patrick Joseph, not only would you have been tossed from office years ago, you never would have been elected in the first place.

Update: I can’t believe I forgot to link to my biography of Ted Kennedy, to show just what sort of standard Patches has to live down to…

Rep. Patrick Kennedy's Police Report Uncovered
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