Who Would Have Seen This One Coming?

Leave it to journalists to make a fuss over the most unremarkable news items. As has been much ballyhooed in the press, Jim Webb, the Democratic Senator-elect for Virginia, demonstrated a lack of class by causing an unnecessary row with President Bush.

At a Christmas party, President Bush asked Webb about the well-being of his son, who is serving in military. Instead of a normal answer to this kind query, Webb shot back that he’d like his son home from Iraq.

Now, not to put too fine a point on things, it seems clear from this exchange that Jim Webb is a jerk. And this discovery, apparently, was worth lots and lots of darkened wood pulp in newspapers across the country. Extra, extra–read all about it: Jim Webb is a callous jerk.

Are we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” the only ones who find this whole story entirely unremarkable? We mean, come on: Jim Webb is a peevish goon. Exactly who didn’t know that already?

Long before Mr. Webb managed to eek out a victory over Senator George Allen in the recent mid-term elections, we recall reading hand-wringing articles by Democrats about Webb’s congenital lack of congeniality. He doesn’t campaign well because he doesn’t smile or like to meet people, we were told.

Well, gee: Surprise, Surprise–Jim Webb turns out to be a total schmuck. An ill-mannered grouch, in fact. Wow: Color us amazed. We never saw that one coming. Next you’ll tell us that Karen Carpenter was a bit thin when she died.

If these recent Jim Webb revelations threw you for a loop, here are a few other news items that will have you positively gasping:

1) Rep. Charles Rangel doesn’t possess a particularly mellifluous singing voice.

2) Senator Charles Schumer is loquacious. What’s more, some consider him self-impressed.

3) Rep. Tom Tancredo has strong feelings about illegal immigration.

4) At some point in her life, Rep. Nancy Pelosi may have undergone plastic surgery.

5) Senator Ted Kennedy has a bit of a drinking problem.

6) Rep. Charles Rangel may not possess a particularly mellifluous singing voice, but he does own lots of hair gel.

(Note: The crack young staff normally “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently debating another headline-grabbing query: Is Keith Ellison a Muslim?)

Jammed 'til it hurts*
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