Payback

Well, I’m sure you’ve heard that a horde of slavering moonbats has been blockading the gates to the Port of Olympia in Washington, preventing the unloading of military hardware brought back from Iraq for refurbishing. The loons have not only been standing in front of the trucks, they’ve also been pouring concrete on railroad tracks to hinder the movement of materiel.

They claim it’s a demonstration of “people power” and an exercise of their rights to dissent, to assemble, to petition for redress of grievances, to speak out, and whatnot.

Well, they ain’t the only ones who have that right. So I’m wondering if it’d be just as fine and dandy for people who disagree with them to express their feelings in similar ways.

Here’s a video the asshats posted of themselves. If you can stomach it, skip ahead to 4:17 — there’s one lunatic woman who’s sitting in the middle of the road, in the path of a tractor trailer hauling a Stryker, while nursing a baby. For starters, why don’t the police haul her ass off for child endangerment?

But that’s the role of the police. I’m thinking of ways regular folks can express their disapproval. And they’ve given us license to emulate them.

(Author’s note: I’m stuck on the other side of the country, so there’s no way I’d be able to practice any of these. But it’s fun to speculate.)

First off, these people must have gotten to the Port somehow. Most likely by car. And while they’re sitting in front of the gate, those cars are elsewhere.

Remember, damaging their vehicles is illegal, as well as wrong — those cars did nothing wrong. The aim should be to inconvenience them, not cause them actual damages.

I think traditional wedding-day pranks would serve as good role models. Tie tin cans to their bumpers. Get some soap (or that stuff car dealers use to write on windows) to express your sentiments on their windows. Bring a bunch of Post-It notes and cover all their windows. Block their cars in with cinderblocks. Perform a “citizen’s arrest” and chain a couple of the cars together. (But be careful not to scratch the paint!)

Next up, the more direct approach. Think “suicide bombers.” Get some brave souls to volunteer to infiltrate their ranks, armed with stink bombs. Then, in unison, set them off on their own persons. For bonus carnage, eat some refried beans or steamed cabbage or whatever gets your digestive tract into full chemical warfare mode.

The most important thing, though, is to not give them what they want — credibility. Do NOT get angry with them, do not shout obscenities or make obscene gestures or in any other way let them see that they are being taken seriously. The goal is to mock them, to deride them, to annoy them — NOT to feed their martyr complex and paranoid fantasies. They are not being confronted by the Royal Guard, but by the Royal Jesters. Ace’s readers have the right idea with their monkey-wrenching of the whacko’s calendar.

These days, there is much power in victimhood. But there is little in being a laughingstock. That must remain the goal above all else.

Bangladesh Battered By Killer Cyclone
Barry Bonds indicted