Global warming has struck yet again! The Goracle has proved that he truly is able to predict what the weather will be like 10+ years from now, and if we simply bow down to him and put ourselves into the Economic Dark Ages, he will be able to save all of our lives.
Who needs the Obamamessiah when you’ve got the Goracle?
In case you’re wondering what it is that has cemented the reality of global warming, here it is.
All that arctic ice that the Goracle’s acolytes were hyperventilating over, that caused the crying over polar bears that were drowning and dying, and the whining that we would soon see 50 foot tidal waves putting the coasts of the United States underwater, the arctic ice that had supposedly melted and gone away for good?
Satellite data shows that concerns over the levels of sea ice may have been premature.
It was feared that the polar caps were vanishing because of the effects of global warming.
But figures from the respected US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration show that almost all the “lost” ice has come back.
Ice levels which had shrunk from 13million sq km in January 2007 to just four million in October, are almost back to their original levels.
Figures show that there is nearly a third more ice in Antarctica than is usual for the time of year.
The data flies in the face of many current thinkers and will be seized on by climate change sceptics who deny that the world is undergoing global warming.
Vast swathes of the world have suffered chaos because of some of the heaviest snowfalls in decades.
Central and southern China, the USA and Canada were hit hard by snowstorms.
Even the Middle East saw snow, with Jerusalem, Damascus, Amman and northern Saudi Arabia reporting the heaviest falls in years and below-zero temperatures. Meanwhile, in Afghanistan snow and freezing weather killed 120 people.
In Britain the barmy February weather came to an abrupt halt at the weekend as temperatures plunged to -10C in central England.
Experts believe that this month could end up as one of the coldest Februaries in Britain in the past 10 years.
The freezing night-time conditions look set to stay around -8C until at least the middle of the week.
Maybe that consensus isn’t as ironclad as the Goreacle has led us to believe (but who actually believed that it was?).
But then again, this is probably due to global warming, too. According to the Goracle’s global warming fanatical followers, everything is caused by global warming! Extreme heat? Global warming. Extreme cold? Global warming. Polar ice caps melt? Global warming. Polar ice caps swell? Global warming. Too many hurricanes? Global warming. Not enough hurricanes? Global warming. An ant is killed by some kid with a magnifying glass? Global warming!
So fear not, ye followers of the Church of Climate Change. I’m sure the apocalypse caused by global warming will still come in ten or so years time if we continue to refuse to bow to the will of the Almighty Goracle.