Along with the duck and the mallet.
As wonderful as the Contentions gig was, I simply couldn’t sustain it. It became too much like work. It was too serious. It was too responsible.
Oh, I enjoy doing that, but I need more.
I need to write angry, hypernationalist pieces like “Trophies.” I want to write personal, irritated pieces like “You Should Know I’ve Killed A Lot Of Old People In My Time, And I’m Not Above Doing It Again.” I want to get ultra-partisan and write “Why Aren’t You Dead Yet, You Oxygen-Thieving Waste Of Skin?”
But with the exclusivity part of my agreement with Contentions, I couldn’t write them.
(Oh, great, now I actually gotta WRITE those.)
Anyway, folks, I missed you — commenters and colleagues alike. As for my new colleagues… I look forward to sharing column-space with you all.
And thanks for leaving the WELCOME mat out for me, Kevin.