Revealed: The Story Behind The Obama “Jackass” Remark

Wizbang Pop might have the audio of President Obama calling Kanye West a “jackass,” but only I have the tape of the planning behind that “accidental” leak. And here’s the transcript:

“So, what the hell was up with that whole Kanye West – Taylor Swift thing. Everyone’s talking about it, so I better say something. After all, I am the president.”

“Um… are you sure you want to go there, sir? The whole thing just isn’t presidential.”

“People are talking about it, and I’m the president of the people, so I am obligated to say something. How about I start off with ‘we don’t know all the facts, but it’s clear that Taylor Swift acted stupidly?'”

“That wouldn’t be wise, sir.”

“Why not?”

“Well, for one, the whole world already knows all the relevant facts. It happened on live TV, and the video’s all over YouTube. It’s clear that West was way out of line, and Ms. Swift did nothing wrong.”

“That’s unfortunate. How about I try to heal the rift by inviting the two of them over to the White House to discuss it over beer?”

“There are two problems with that one, sir. First, West was most likely drunk when he did that, so giving him more booze would probably not help the situation. Second, Ms. Swift is only 19. I think you see the potential problems if we show two black men giving booze to an underage white girl.”

“And I was supposed to get America past that whole race thing. Damned redneck crackers. Well, what can I do?”

“I’d suggest you call West a “jackass” in front of reporters, but then say it was off the record.”

“What will that achieve?”

“Oh, lots of things. Most of the press will keep it quiet, showing that they’re still subservient. But it’s soo juicy — the president using the word ‘ass’ — that it’ll leak out. That’ll show us who can’t be trusted in the press. But once it’s out, most Americans will like you for saying what they’re thinking, and respecting you for not using the real words you obviously want to use.”

“I like it. But what if someone wants to defend Kanye and criticizes me for calling him a jackass?”

“Then we quietly point out that the jackass is the symbol of your party, and you’re actually reaching out to him in a way that makes it clear that no matter what he says or does, he’s always welcome in the party of the jackass.”

“OK, let’s do it. But make sure that Tapper asshole from ABC is around when I say it. He’s the only one in the press who treats me just like a Republican president — he’ll be sure to leak it.”

San Bernadino Parts II and III and a New Video Soon
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