Jack Prize

Well, I reckon I’m casting my lot with the Taliban. I come not to praise Obama for being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, I come to mock him.

You know there’s something rotten in Oslo when the White House spin machine is forced into action after Obama’s selection was announced.

If Archie Griffith was Barack Obama he would have been nominated at halftime of the first game his freshman year, won the Heisman after the eighth game of the season, and quite possibly taken home four of the distinctive trophies.

On the plus side, the Nobel committee’s affirmative action Peace Prize award makes Obama’s wise Latina affirmative action SCOTUS selection seem well qualified by comparison.

At least Michael Moore actually completed and released his anti-Bush cinematic diatribe before the global and Hollywood elite festooned him with gilded trophies.

The timing couldn’t have been worse. Thanks to Obama and the Keystone Kongress’ ineptitude, his $1.4 million Nobel award won’t even be taxed at an appropriately confiscatory rate.

The Nobel Prize is a clear demonstration of the enormous international goodwill Obama has been granted. Unfortunately it will all be expended ensuring Michelle receives some similar honor to compensate her for the sacrifice of traveling to Norwegia for the award ceremony and missing her weekly Bunco game.

Jimmy Carter and Al Gore are delighted another American will now be mentioned when considering “the most insufferable living Nobel Peace Prize winner.”

Mohamed ElBaradei and Jimmy Carter (again?) are delighted another Nobel Peace Prize winner sees Israel as the biggest impediment to peace in the Middle East.

But Albert Lutuli, Martin Luther King, Jr., Desmond Mpilo Tutu, Nelson Mandela, Kofi Annan, Wangari Muta Maathai dismayed to find out their awards have been revoked so Barack Obama can also be the “historic first African-American winner of the Nobel Peace Prize.”

The dish of ribbon candy in the Oval Office where Churchill’s bust used to sit can finally be replaced with something tasteful.

First US Nobel Peace Laureate who takes more pride in his jump shot than his country. Carter, of course, doesn’t play basketball.

On an unrelated note, is there a huge crossover audience between college football/NASCAR fans and Desperate Housewives? Seems like The View running ads for Dick Cheney commemorative plates to me…

Just because the Nobel Prize makes Time Magazine’s Man Person Sentient Being of the Year look like a booger doesn’t mean Time won’t be awarding it to Obama again.

The award has been a boon for renewable energy. Alfred Nobel’s corpse was connected to a generator before the announcement and is now spinning at a rate sufficient to output two terawatts of electricity daily.

Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus are delighted about slipping to #2 on lists of “Most Undeserved Award Recipients.”

Half-hearted Saturday Night Live needling aside, comedians sticking to the assertion there’s nothing funny about Barack Obama. Does anyone really believe SNL’s lampooning was about humor rather than an attempt to chide Obama into following through on his obligations to the left?

Now that he’s won the Nobel Prize, Obama should have a much easier time convincing committed foes of America like Iran and North Korea to disarm than he’s had rushing through his domestic agenda with a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate and a 70 seat advantage in the House.

US military strategy abroad and terrorist detainment/rendition policies are virtually indistinguishable today vs. January 19th. Funny thing since Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for not being George W. Bush.

Who can dispute Obama’s contributions vis-a-vis peace and civil unrest in Honduras? Ditto Iran. It’s pretty clear what kind of peace the Nobel committee is advocating – the peace of tyranny.

The title of this piece is my little contribution to Cockney Rhyming Slang. I think you’ll all be pleasantly surprised when you decipher it.

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