Eight REAL Reasons Why Theodore Roosevelt Is the Coolest President Ever

One of my favorite Presidents, Theodore Roosevelt has also been the coolest for the last 100 years. Here now are the eight reasons why good ol’ Teddy was the coolest of them all.

8. Out on hunting in 1901, Roosevelt killed a cougar. But not in a generic, “normal” way of killing a mountain lion. No, Teddy made sure to kill the cougar by killing it with only a knife. In the future, cougars would die by looking at T.R. and having terror-related heart attacks.

7. He grew up an asthmatic, in a time when asthma was a debilitating affliction. He was sickly and weak…then he grew up to become a professional boxer and all-around iron-pumping, hard-as-nails tough guy.

6. Out hunting with friends, he saved the life of a bear that they had tied to a tree, saying that it was too easy and therefore unsportsmanlike. Now tell me, how many people do you know who go out hunting bears, and DON’T kill them because it’s just too damn easy?

5. He led the Rough Riders up San Juan Hill during the Spanish-American war. He led the attack; you know, out in front where it’s really easy to be shot a thousand times by the enemy.

4. Point blank: his awesome mustache.

3. Roosevelt was the youngest man ever to serve as President. Not the youngest elected, mind you, but the youngest to hold the position. The person who was weak and sickly ascended to the highest office in the world before anyone in history.

2. Running for President in 1912, Roosevelt led the most successful Third-Party campaign in history. As a Bull Moose, T.R. ran against William Howard Taft (who refused to step aside for Roosevelt to let him run as a Republican) and Woodrow Wilson (D). In the end Wilson would win because of the split vote between Taft and Roosevelt, but Teddy did earn eleven times the electoral votes Taft did. No wonder everyone only remembers Taft for getting stuck in that bathtub.

1. This reason is particularly awesome, so I must warn you that your head may explode from the awesome-ness. While campaigning in 1912, Roosevelt stopped in Milwaukee to spread his word. Getting ready to give a speech, a man named John Schrank approached Teddy and shot him in the chest. He was quickly apprehended. But what’s a flesh wound to Theodore Roosevelt? Minutes later, T.R. went on stage, announced he had been shot, and GAVE THE SPEECH, which was 3,800+ words. Hell, it’s tough for me to make a presentation if I burn my tongue.

Cross-posted at Jumping in Pools

Weight Watchers clinic floor collapses under dieters
Victor Davis Hansen on Truths we dare not Utter