Allow me then to bluntly and boldly state that you are completely full of crap:
In the 21st Century, carbon is the new accounting tool. Whether we’re talking Main Street or Wall Street, our commerce and lifestyles demand the burning of fossil fuels. So let’s face it: we’re addicted to oil. And many feel that they have no choice but to go into carbon debt, and live beyond their carbon means: people feel downtrodden as daily demands compel them to live a life out of sync with their values.
And what are those values? Sustainability, clean air, clean water, good public transportation. Alas, millions in the U.S. do not have access to these things. So, they get in the car to drive to the store; they take a plane to visit a friend; they crank up the heat in their homes so it seems like the tropics in December.
Every time we move, breathe or even think, we are using up precious carbon. We all have an impact on our environment, and we cannot always live in alignment with our highest eco-values: then the guilt sets in, paralyzing us, and we feel dis-empowered from making positive changes.
Feel guilty no more! The Carbon Confessor offers you a compassionate heart and a place to vent your guilt and move on to a greener tomorrow!
No transgression is too small, none too great, that the gender-anonymous Carbon Confessor cannot hold in his/her bosom the patience and kindness to absolve your carbon sins.
But wait, it gets better:
Be released from your inner turmoil. Offer up your guilt and shame about your “pigs at the trough” lifestyle.
Cleanse your soul of the tarnish of bad decision making. Stay no more in the land of excess and gluttony (that’s SO 1990’s!). Put hand to keyboard and send your reckless tale of carbon overload to the Carbon Confessor. Be made pure again and live better. Give up the illusion of infinite carbon and walk somewhere.
The Confessor is available via electronic communication:
Please note that to deter unwanted email, the email address above has the symbols “at” and “dot” written out (please convert back to the @ and . symbols when typing in the confessor’s email address and all will be revealed appropriately).
Please indicate if you wish to have your confession included on the virtual confessions wall. (Names withheld to protect the guilty).
The authors of the site have issued a press release intended to soften the message:
Though mostly a humorous enterprise, The Carbon Confessor hopes to inspire new, improved behavior in his/her confessees. “Once you can let go of guilt, you have an opportunity to look at how to make better choices.”
There you have it. The Church of Chicken Little in full bloom, now equipped with a means by which you can be forgiven for your sins.
Al Gore could not be reached for comment and we are unable to confirm that this might be because he’s far too busy absolving all you sinners out there of your transgressions.
H/T Mark Shea.