Maybe I really do have a death wish…

On the drive in to work this morning, I got stuck behind a left-lane squatter. I waited a while, then gave up and started to pass him on the right. (This was on a divided highway, of course.) As I pulled even with him, he sped up. I looked over and saw he was glaring at me, (presumably) shouting obscenities at me for having the gall to want to go faster than he thought I should.

I thought about responding in kind, but I happen to have several very devout Christian friends. At that moment I found myself channeling their deep love and tolerance for fellow human beings, and simply couldn’t flip him off. So, in the spirit of brotherhood, I blew him a kiss.

For some reason, that infuriated him even more than my trying to pass him. His face turned a few more shades of red, the movements of his face increased in violence, and he actually flipped me off.

I was hurt he misunderstood my reaching out to him in love and acceptance. Perhaps he just needed the message made more clear. I blew him another kiss, and this time I tossed in some tongue action.

Just then I realized just how dangerous a predicament I had gotten myself into. This psycho was in a minivan, and I was in a subcompact. He was a left-lane squatter, which meant he was also probably a passive-aggressive with a potentially violent temper. Also, he was older and had handicapped plates, which meant he possibly had very little to live for. I quietly slowed down, allowed a few cars to build up between us, and got off at the next exit (after making sure he didn’t).

But damn, it was fun.

J.

Small Town Blues
Things I really, really don't need to know, part 28

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