Embracing the Chickenhawk argument

For a long, long time now, I’ve been staunch in my opposition to the “Chickenhawk” argument. In fact, one of my proudest pieces was an all-out assault on its philosophical underpinnings. But maybe I’m getting older and jaded, or prematurely senile, or just tired of fighting the good fight, because I am now renouncing that opposition — and embracing the “chickenhawk” argument in the fullest.

To sum it up: those who support the war should be among the first to go fight it, and in general those who advocate a position should be willing to put their lives on the line to stand for it. Those who speak in favor of something without demonstrating their absolute commitment to the issue are to be forced to offer that commitment, or silenced.

With that absolute principle in mind, I’m calling for the following actions:

  • From now on, comments on Wizbang will be limited only to those who actually have their own blog. Registration will be mandatory. Those commenters whose commitment to blogs is so shallow that they can not find the time and energy to run their own blog will no longer be welcome here.
  • Chelsea Clinton will be removed from her Manhattan office, sent to boot camp, and from there be assigned to a peacekeeping unit in the Balkans. Her father believed in it so much (even promising that “the troops would be home by Christmas,” without specifying what year), she ought to be willing to go over there and do her part.
  • Only people with military backgrounds will be allowed to run for president. It’s too late to keep Bill Clinton out (or, for that matter, FDR, Harry Truman, or Woodrow Wilson), but this move will protect us from those cowardly shirkers like Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Dennis Kucinich, and their ilk from presuming to think that they could serve as Commander in Chief without having first worn their nation’s uniform.
  • In fact, let’s take it a step further. Let’s restrict the ballot to only veterans. They’ve shown their commitment to our nation, so let’s ban anyone who has not put on our nation’ uniform from trying to shape the future of the country. Another benefit of this will be to pay back, a little, the shameful actions of the Gore campaign in 2000, when they waged an all-out assault on military absentee ballots in Florida, attempting to disenfranchise American men and women on active duty.
  • The police will no longer respond to 911 calls from those who are not, themselves, police officers (or immediate family of officers). If you support the police so damned much, sign up and prove it.
  • The same principle will eventually be extended to fire and ambulance services.
  • Those people without health insurance will be covered by a national health-insurance plan — but must volunteer their services in the health care field in some fashion. You want your broken arm set, bub? empty a few dozen bedpans first.
  • Animal rights activists will be licensed, and as part of the certification process must undergo the treatment they are protesting. Don’t like veal? Talk about it after a week in a pen. Wanna protect the dolphins? Show us your gill net scars. And if you protest fur, you better be scalped.
  • Opponents of torture must submit to the treatments they are protesting. If you don’t like waterboarding, then you better be damned ready to tell me just how bad it is.
  • Opponents of capital punishment must… well, that one should take care of itself quite nicely.

Damn, I feel better. No more tiresome thinking and debating issues. Everything is now personal, no more reasoning and weighing of issues. Let the shrillness and venom prevail!

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